I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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