all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
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I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
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Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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