you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
