I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
