Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize