why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
