Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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