just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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