Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
