those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
