It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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