You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
