I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
