i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You are the jesus of drinking
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
