So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
