so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
