dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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