Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
