I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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