i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
