I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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