The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
