I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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