dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
