I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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