I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
