As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
