Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
