I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I need a beard to bite.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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