If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize