he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
