I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
