i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
