His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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