You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
