Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
