her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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