I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
