then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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