she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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