please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
