the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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