And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
