I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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