I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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