I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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