How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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