textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
