What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
