Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
