Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
