I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ketchup is God's man juice
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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