i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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