I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
