Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
