just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
