i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
