mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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