I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
