Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
