were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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