And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
