I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize