the day after is always just damage control
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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