did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
