The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
