I want to make a zoo with you.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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