it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I deserve this hangover.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
