I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
