Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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