Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
