We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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