Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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