Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
