its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
