Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
