is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
