Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
