Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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