im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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