i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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