it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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