dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
