Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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