he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
